Brokenness

I cannot claim this as my own, I found it on a person's (who I look up to greatly) blog. It is a wonderful analogy of the Lord crushing us into something beautiful. Sometimes this is very frustrating and we resist, which results in a product that is not pretty. It is a beautiful thing to be obedient to the Lord. But it is not always very easy.


"If we are ever going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed-you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.

I wonder what finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you? Have you been hard as a marble and escaped? If you are not ripe yet, and if God had squeezed you anyway, the wine produced would have been remarkably bitter...We have to be placed into God and brought into agreement with Him before we can be broken bread in His hands."

My Utmost for His Highest

Oswald Chambers

 September 30

Class Jitters.

Right now, I have got a bad case of the "Class-Time-Jitters". These typically come when one it excited about something, or is simply bored. In my case, it's both!! I am so pumped for College Life tonight but on the other hand, I am so bored in class! I am so excited about Club that class is super boring. I knew that today was going to be one of those days. I just want to get my work done so I can plan things for College Life! Our Fall Retreat is coming up soon and me and my friend Kelsey (who is also on Leadership) are doing program for the retreat and I am SO excited!! But in order for me to plan for the retreat, I have so much school to do, and I could be doing it right now… But I'm in class, not paying attention and blogging; so maybe I should just leave..? Nahhh, I'll stick it out, only 30 more minutes!!

Thoughts… I Guess You Can Call Them Conclusions Actually!

Well, my plan for blogging once a week didn't happen. I sort of knew it wouldn't, so I guess I set myself up for failure in that sense. A lot like I set most people I know up for failure, which isn't good for either parties. 


You must be thinking, "Woah, that is really dark and gloomy to say." I think it too, so don't feel bad if you were thinking it. I don't mind! Truth is, it is dark and gloomy. And silly. But I do it, and I didn't even realize it until just recently!! Gosh, and I am so glad I did. 


I have (had, well I'm working on "hading" them) these expectations for people to meet. These expectations of mine are no where near low, they are quite high. And when they don't meet them, I am crushed to say the least. I mourn. They were supposed to be there for me like I was for them! I didn't talk about them behind their back! I didn't take what they did for me for granted, I cherished it. I didn't make them feel silly for wearing clothes I didn't necessarily liked, I didn't lie to them either and tell them I liked it. (Which, is something I detest! If you do not like something, please do not tell me you do. That's lame, and not genuine.) I didn't ignore them. I wasn't fake. I was real, sometimes to real. And they didn't do all these things. They were supposed to though!! They were supposed to, they were my friend.  But, people are people and people are selfish. They are. And it hurts me dearly when they lean towards their human desires. I guess people who get upset over these things are people with a big heart. I think more people have big hearts than they let on at first. I think I'm not the only one who sets these expectations.


As humans, we want approval. Approval from who? Man, mostly. And how do we get this approval? Different ways. Everyone has ways of getting approval. For me? It's a lot of things. Silly things. Things people say you shouldn't worry about, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that, you just can't stop worrying!! There has to be "That Moment"; a moment where different fragments of ideas come together in your mind and you think, "That's what it means!! I get it now! It all makes sense." Some of the things I do for approval: Dress nicely, eat healthier (around people, you should see me in my room… only joking), lose weight, make good grades, have it "together" (whatever the heck that entails) the list goes on. BUT THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER! They don't! Aren't you so happy?! I am, and I figured it out on Thursday. I was so relieved and proud of myself for making this conclusion, Jesus helped me out though. 


I have expectations of people, why? To fill a void in my life. A void that will never be filled by other people, never. It is crazy to think it will. This void that I have, one that I mostly try to fill by getting approval of man, can only be filled by one Person. Jesus. 


It is not about losing weight or being "attractive" to the opposite sex!! It's about growing and learning from the One who created us. He knows us so well. He knows are struggles, our pains, but loves us just the same! He will never not meet our expectations! And I am so happy I realized this! It wasn't a "camp-felt-moment"--we all know those. You're at camp and you feel really moved by the speaker and you think you just get it. Yes, sometimes they are genuine! And I do not discount things that people realize while at camp. NOT AT ALL. It wasn't something that I felt like I had to believe; like it's my duty or something. I've been through all the "moments" trying to convince myself to believe something that I just didn't get quite yet. But I got this time. I sure did. 


I was sitting at my Area's Young Life Banquet (I was able to go over Fall Break, eeek!) and I was listening to a kid that I had led in Wyld Life talk about who Jesus was to him. I remember when he first came to club, his name is Jake Hayden and his older sister, Sam was one of my 8th grade girls I took to camp. He talked about how when he came to Wyld Life, he felt at home. At home. He never missed a Club. And now he is speaking about Jesus. In front of a hundred of people he doesn't even know. He talked about the leaders, I was one of them. I made a difference in his life. I led him while he was in 6th grade and then saw him again this summer when I went as an adult leader for Wyld Life camp. And now he is in high school walking with Christ. 


Walking with Christ exceeds your expectations if you are willing to live life with hands open which allows you to be more obedient, you don't have to be fake or put on the I-have-everything-together mask, and you can do GREAT things with Jesus. 

Friendship

Friendships are tricky. Because people are weird, myself included. I wonder if things were this complicated back-in-the-day before all of the social media we have. I'll admit it, I love Twitter. Facebook isn't so much my thing anymore but people use it as a means of communication, so I have to keep it. So many things can be said, without saying (or commenting) anything at all. Which leaves room for a lot of misread messages, and also a lot of hurt. It sort of sucks, actually it really sucks. I wish things were simpler, but things have never been simple. Not even in elementary school, looking back on them now they may seem like they were but when we were little kiddies getting our feelings worked up because we lost to a game of tag. (now I just assume I will because running is more difficult to me than Organic Chemistry, that is sayin' sumfin right there). I don't think things were ever "simple", nothing is simple I feel like these days. The people we meet and spend our free time with right now, will we ever see them after we walk across that stage on graduation? Some people, I believe I will! And I am so happy to have those friends in my life. But others will walk off that stage and walk out of our lives; a little dramatic? Yes, I tend to be a drama queen sometimes. But if you think about it, were those past few years a waste because we spent so much time with someone that we would never see again? I think it depends on what you learned from that person or who they affected your life. Some people aren't good friends because they're selfish, and with friendships you can't be selfish. It takes two people, because you can't have a relationship with yourself. (well maybe you can in certain cases when people have dual personalities, but in most cases two people are required) It is the worst feeling when you spent a lot of your time trying to help someone and befriend them and they took it for granted or never really appreciated it all. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had a friend like this? Am I right? Afterwards, you feel used and unwanted. It ain't a good feeling for those of you who haven't felt it before.


I care too much. I try to see the best in people. I give people too many second chances. I give people too much of my time and often forget about my wellbeing. But I love people. I don't want to become cynical, because I hope that people aren't trying to use me, they have just never been taught anything different. I shouldn't let people get to me, but sometimes they just do!! I still, however, try and see the good in others. It's getting harder now, and I hate that. It gets harder because life gets harder. I like to leave on a good note (because this was a pretty deep post coming out right after I shredded it Jillian Michaels), so I leave my readers with this quote:

"Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know about everybody." 

I don't know who said this, but I think it speaks a lot of truth. It's so easy to see negative things in other people because I believe those are things we recognize in ourselves. 

When you look into someones eyes, you can see your reflection but what if what you see is more than a reflection? What if what you see is a part of yourself in that person? So how then can we look into someone's eyes and hate them, or think negative thoughts about them? Because then wouldn't we be thinking those same things about a piece of ourselves? 

Leisure Books.

I love to read. I love everything about books. The smell of the pages. Getting lost in the storyline. Everything. Currently I am caught up in "The Help". And I LOVE it. It's simply the best. It's my motivation to finishing my homework. Last night I stayed up (on a Friday night) and finished all my homework for the weekend just so I could read it for the rest of the weekend. Eeek! I want to be reading it right this second, but I'm blogging instead. I bet my readers like that! 


I would like to take this time to talk about how much reading is becoming "old timey". I think it is in a way, with all the upcoming technology at our fingertips (the play on words was intensional there). Now we have iPads, iPhones, Kindles, Nooks and so many other things to make having a book almost ancient. I will always use books. Yes, I have an iPhone but I will always prefer a book over a screen. Always. Nothing compares to a book in my book. (I am doing so great with my puns today). I hope books never go out of style though, but it sort of seems like they are. Which makes me really sad. I hope books will stay in style like a nice strand of pearls. Pearls will always be in style, I don't care what any high end fashion magazine has to say about that. They always will, ask any mom. Well except those really skinny and really tan moms who work out for a living, they might say otherwise but any other mommy wouldn't. Especially my mommy :) 


I hope after reading this blog about reading you feel inspired to read. You won't regret it, I can promise that. As long as you pick a classic book, one that won't go out of style like pearls. 


I will end with this quote, "A love of books, of holding a book, turning its pages, looking at its pictures, and living its fascination stories goes hand-in-hand with a love of learning"

Edit

Comedy.

I have previously posted about laughter, but seriously folks there is no way to get through life without laughter! I just ran into one of my friends who is hilarious. Yes, most of his comedy comes from jokes about other people but it was just what I needed! There is no way I could have made it through today without some laughter. So much to get done and so little time. I never understood why my mom would always say that, but now I get it. Sort of like the whole "You'll understand when you're older". Well, if that doesn't make me feel old I don't know what does. With the exception of freshman girls who haven't gone through puberty, or they have you just can't tell because they don't have enough body fat on them. I'll gladly lend them some of mine! The won't even have to return it! Man, suchhhh a deal. Anyways, to those of you who are reading this and you have found yourself drowning in a sea of "to-do's", just take a look at this picture and have yourself a laugh.

I assure you that you'll be entertained.

New Beginnings.

Long time no blog. How I have missed the sweet feeling of typing out my thoughts and epiphanies. As of few weeks ago, I am moved in! I have finished most everything, but of course it is going to take a few days to get completely settled in, which I have done thus far. (this blog was written the day after I moved in, but I had not yet posted it because it was incomplete and I only post perfected blogs for my readers)




However, I have only good feelings about this year. And I am certain good things are to come of twenty-eleven.  I am going to have a lot more comitments than last year, commitments that I have agreed upon nonetheless, but I am learning to take it slow. It's not in my job description to do everything, other people are just as capable of doing the same tasks that I would normally volunteer for. However, this year is different! I have restrained myself from taking on too many things that I need not do! So heres to a new semester with new beginnings and a less busy me! Of course this isn't going to come easy, but I am confident that the Lord will be able to calm my heart so that I am not a busy person with no time to spend with myself.  


I know the Lord is encouraging me to take things slow, to look inward and think about myself for once.  It's way too easy to worry about every else's problems, but when it comes to helping the person who's staring back at you in the mirror things become a little more difficult. An example: this bog has taken me about a month to finish. Hmm, that is sad and I am so sorry to have neglected you Blog. I started this Blog Post the day I moved in, right after my family had left and I am just now posting it. Man. Well, I am aiming to post at least every week! If not every two weeks, with either I would be doing good! 

Things I've Learned.

I'm not that old and according to my grades this semester I'm getting less smart each year, but I have learned a lot this semester. For me, this semester has been rough. Real rough. I had to deal with many things I did not in any way want to, but that's life for ya.  I sometimes wonder why life is so hard.  I'll never know the answer to that, or at least not right now. As I sit in my empty room without my room mate who I dearly miss, I look back on this year and wonder why I didn't love it each and every minute.  I'm growing up, but I spend half my time wishing I didn't have to deal with stuff instead of loving every minute.  I'm only a college student, but college students have done great things in our country's history.  I only wonder why I look at my life and see my failures?  I don't see the things I've done this semester that have been great, I just look at the test grade that didn't turn out in my favor or the ice-cream that has slowly increased my waistline.  I can do whatever it is I want to do.  And right now, I want to be the best I can be.  But good-God, I am so out of steam.  This semester has sucked me dry, and I have learned that I will never EVER again procrastinate.  This year it really got the better of me, and I don't like it one bit. But at least I learned something!  I also learned I have too much stuff. TOO. MUCH. My car is packed to the limit.  Nothing more can fit in there.  Nothing more.  I pray the Lord to watch over me while I drive back home with only one visible mirror, if my mom knew I'd be doing this she's wring my neck.  Of course she could have come down to pack me up instead of leaving me to deal with it like an adult.  I haven't become an adult yet and I don't plan to anytime soon. I'm a young lady, YOUNG being the key word.  But I can only go up, because I've hit my all-time low.  And since gas is at almost $4.00, I don't see myself getting anymore steam anytime soon...oops. 

A little pet peeve of mine

So I have a few things that really get to me, some of which are completely ridiculous and others which are pretty understandable (according to me). One of these annoyances that I have are the word verification boxes you have to fill out occasionally online--you know the boxes that have squiggly words and are hard to read? The ones that makes you think, "If I get this wrong this internet site is going to think I'm either drunk or on medications that were not prescribed to me or the sickness they are most commonly used to. So I better get this right, or else I'm going to be in a fight with an internet site."  Now do you know what I'm talking about? If not, maybe a visual will help. But first please type the characters you see in the box. HA just kidding, I would never make any of my many readers (I'm thinking positive here!) go through that pain. 

These suckers will getcha.  And this one is particularly bad because of the two-tonedness, and the swirly letters are just so dumb.  Gosh, I just don't like anything about them.  I also found that many other people have a dislike for word verification boxes.  I found some pretty hostile images toward them. Here are some of my finds:

The "Just say NO" approach...

The death approach...

"I'd like a table for non-word-verification please, and also non-smoking please. I'm really not trying to be high maintenance, this is just who I am"

The prohibition tact-it.

The sweet, peace-full approach. 

There were many more images that had negative comments towards word verification, but these were just a few of my favorites.  Now remember folks, just say no when it comes to word verification.  Silent protest.  We can do it, I feel a movement coming on. 

Laughter is the only thing that'll keep you sane.

Last weekend was our College Life Spring Retreat. We went to the Topsail beach and stayed at one of our college lifers beach house. It was an amazing weekend! We have such a great community of people.  This is the video we made for the retreat. It is truly awesome! Mostly because I am in it, no just kidding. Mostly because Jesus does such great things with our chaotic lives.

I hope y'all enjoy it!

Make the most of it.

This song has such a catchy melody to it, but when you actually listen to the words they get you thinkin'.  Listen to them, sounds morbid right? Well I thought so, maybe it's just me. But I thought they seemed pretty sad and depressing.  So I looked up the meaning, and this song was not written to be depressing but to give the message to people to make the most of the life that they are given.  Where I am right now in my life, this is so applicable! I spend a lot of my time thinking, "If only I had this...then I would be satisfied!" or "If things were like this, then I wouldn't be so annoyed." But instead of those thoughts, why not "Things are just great they way they are!" Life is too short to spend it complaining.  And we are not guaranteed longevity, so why spend our lives thinking of what could be instead of what is. It would be great if things worked out just as we wanted but they don’t. However the Lord is Sovereign and He has such wonderful and great things planned for us! How great is that?! I think it’s great. I have been really challenged these past few weeks but also so very encouraged.  My best is so very small compared to what I can be in the Lord. And trying to do it all on my own is exhausting! I will never please everyone nor will I be able to go on my own.  I am so humbled by the surpassing greatness of Jesus.  I pray each day that I will realize my need for the Lord, and that I will cling to His side for support and guidance.   

Hats and Headbands, the essenitials for a shower-free life.

It's a different kind of stressed when you don't care what you're wearing or what people think of your greasy hair because you simply haven't had the time to shower today. That's why they have hats and headbands, but when people see those items it screams "OH HEY, my hair is greasy under this but I was just hoping that no one would know about it because I tried to cover it up with a hat or a headband but obviously it didn't work for you. Great, but I don't care so go look at someone else with your unapproving eyes. I'm over it." Literally, that's what my head screams. I hear it all day long, sort of obnoxious. I don't live a shower-free life, but sometimes it would be nice to not have to worry about cleaning myself. Yaaa that sounds gross.

ice-cream

I love ice-cream. It is one of my most favorite snacks, or should I say indulgences. Either way, I love it. I had some today actually and I loved every minute of it.  I also had some ice-cream while over Spring Break.  Not only did I have just any ordinary ice-cream, first of all I had it in Disney World sooo that makes it better and also it was in the Magic Kingdom to be specific anddd Aladdin and I shared it which means we're dating now.  The ice-cream I had was amazing. It was pineapple soft-serve with pineapple juice on the bottom. YUM! Anddd it's good for you because it is fruit flavored :) So it's a win-win situation.

As you can see, I am really enjoying these ice-creams.  See the pineapple juice on the bottom? Heaven. Gosh, I would give a lot to have one of those right this minute. But I have to be health conscious..actually I don't really haaavee to. But I will be.

Remember the small things in life that bring you joy. (or really big amounts of ice-cream in this case)

Some Updates.

My hopes were to blog every night about my trip, but due to slow internet my frustrations got the better of me. I did however blog about my trip to Disney! It was so wonderful.  After the trip to Disney I was on the go traveling from place to place.  But I have made it back to my home away from home, High Point NC.  We will spend the rest of our break here except for when we leave for our final reception in Raleigh on Sunday.  We will make a day trip up to Raleigh, and then make our way back to High Point to start classes on Monday.

I bid you all a good night! I am going to hit the sacks in hopes of a very restful sleep before a very busy and productive day I have planned for tomorrow!

Disney willl never get old to me.

The excitement begins...

My cousin has taken many of her friends to Disney, but she told me that I was the most excited person she has ever taken. Want an accomplishment! But I didn't really have to try, it came naturally to me.  For me expressing my emotions and how I am feeling comes very easy to me. Once I was driving into Disney, through the elongated driveway where my excitement grew with every minute we drove, the child in me had officially come out and I was bursting with excitement.  Disney will never, to me, ever get old.

No crying babies, demanding mothers, or whining children could ruin my good day.  We started off the day by parking in "Happy Row 80" and drove the parking lot shuttle that was run by people in orange stripped uniforms. They were so cute! Everything I saw was exciting me, the uniforms, the parking lot shuttles, even going in the gates! It was such a wonderful experience. Disney does such a wonderful job with keeping dreams alive inside of children's hearts..or even college students hearts!

We then rode the Monorail over to Epcot which was an adventure in and of itself.

What a Happy Camper!

The view was awesome driving into Epcot.  They were having a Festival of Flowers which was so beautiful! Words will not due it justice--

The flowers were so pretty!



They had also done some of the characters in flowers--

...then they had Donald Duck...





...now we have Piglet and Eor...



Rabbit and his garden...

...look at 'dem veggies!

...I do not know those people.

Sleeping Beauty and her Prince (mine is on his way!)

Lady and the Tramp...

...Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs.

Timon and Pumba (the Asian people entrhal me!)

Simba and people I don't know...again.

The original crew.

To finish it off we have Daisey!





Look out Jasamine, you've got some competition. ME.



Also during my time at Epcot, I met Aladdin.  I have always had a hugeee crush on Aladdin so when I had the chance to meet him without Jasamine being there, I was thrilled to say the least.  So I turned up my charm and put on some lip-gloss then waited my turn in line full of little kids and demanded mothers that gave into their child's every need and whiny complaint.  Soon enough it was my turn to have an unforgetable encounter with Aladdin.  I stepped up to him and he says, "I love your pearls" I blush and grin but remember he can't read my mind and say, "Thank you". "So where are you from?" he asks, I respond "I'm from Asheville, NC--I live in the mountains" "Well," he starts, "We have some mountains in Agraba, have you been to Agraba before?" "No, I actually haven't" He goes on to say, "I could take you there sometime if you wanted on a magic carpet. But it is sort of scary, soo I don't know if you'd be alright with it." I stop him before he goes any further, "I don't think I would be afraid with you there." (what charm?!) Then he brings up Jasamine, "Of course, we would have to see if this is alright with Jasimine." To that I say, "Or we could not tell her?" He seems a bit taken aback so in my attempt to keep the conversation going I say, "But of course, I don't want to be a home-wrecker. Or a palace-wrecker for that matter."  He laughs, he loves my jokes..I mean who couldn't?! He then begins to talk about his palace, he says how it is so much bigger than Cinderella's Castle and of course I agree hanging on to every word he says.  (But now thinking back on him talking about how his palace is much bigger than any castle, was he maybe refering to something other than a castle? Do I sense an innuendo?)  The camera people hurry us up, comeee on! You can't hurry up love.  We take the picture and then meet up at my hotel that night and he takes me out to a lovely dinner and we now have futures plans to see one another in the near future.

We are so natural together!

The fun is not over yet! After we finished our tour of the different countries and a wonderful lunch in Morocco we hopped back on the Monorail to Magic Kingdom!

The Magic Kingdom was simply magical. We walked around and I was able to meet Mickey and many of my cousins friends she worked with!

 

Mickey, Emma and me!

I was also able to meet three of the Princesses!  A big advantage of going with someone who works there, is that we can go IN the EXIT meaning I didn't have to wait in a line that would have lasted us an hour or more.

I'm glad she was able to stay awake for this.

Cinderella and me.

My all-time favorite, Belle.

We also stayed for the fireworks at 8:00 and the parade before that.  But my camera could not get any decent pictures at night, so you will have to take my word for it.  The fireworks were amazing! Hands down, best fireworks show ever! (of course it helps when you have the man of your dreams beside you, Aladdin ;] ) They also did this amazing lights show with the Castle before the fireworks! It was all so wonderful and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to go! It was a fabulous start to a very busy week!

Traveling.

For my Spring Break I am traveling with the Admissions team at school as an Ambassador.  We are hosting receptions in the southeast for admitted students.  The goal of the receptions is to give students a chance to meet other people in their area that are thinking about going to High Point University. Three other Ambassadors came as well as four Admissions Counselors.  Our first stop on the trip was Orlando Florida (that's Flo Rida without the space). We drove there. From High Point, North Carolina.  It ended up being about an 11 hour trip, anddd it wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be! And we made it to our hotel at about 7:00 in the evening. Then we went to dinner around 8:00 and came back and sleptttt, because even though you don't do anything while traveling it is still SO tiring! 

On Saturday we had a whole day to spend in Orlando, however we wanted. Since my cousin works at Disney, I chose to spend my day there :)

Business

Well hello there long lost Blog! How have you been? Do you feel neglected? Sad? Tired? I do too, I feel ya. But at least we have each other!

I have been so incredibly busy with these past few weeks of schoolwork and I hate it! Not only because I have so much work but also because I haven't had the time to do the things that I love! Such as hanging out with friends, spending time together just hanging out.  Those are the best times. The times where you just sit with your friends because there is no other place you would rather be at that moment than with your friends.  If it wasn't for my friends then I don't know what I would do with my life...I sort of got a glimpse of it while I was so busy I didn't see much of anyone but my room-mates and my school books--what a life?! NOT.

With all this stress, I find time to do the things that I think are most important and that often times means putting Jesus on the back-burner. But He has never failed me. He loves me through the hard times, He encourages me when times are tough and He shows me how to live a life worth living--a life that is centered around Him.  The times that I sit with him and just be with Him are the best times.  Just to listen, to learn, and to reflect on my life and to have my cup refilled with a Chai Latte made with Soy. I have come to the point in my life that I do  not want to live my life being someone I'm not.  I was created to live in accordance with the Lord, and that is what I'll do! There is no better life, really!

Practice Makes Perfect

Paper writing. I have never been good at writing papers. Never. I have always struggled with them and always wait until the last minute to write, just like tonight for instance. I have a paper due by 11:45 tomorrow, have I finished? Nahhh. Still in the works. But I am muchhh closer than I was at 4:30 this afternoon when I sat for an HOUR trying to make myself type words about History. It didn't work out. I didn't actually start until about 10:30, not a good idea! I don't know how long it is going to take me to realize that I probs should start my papers a bit earlier. But I don't wannnaaa! Waaaah. Geez, how are writing papers supposed to further me in my education? Just let me give you a presentation, I'll ace that! I love presentations, they are the best.  I do so well on them and I enjoy doing them.  But I don't go to school to do things I am already good at, I wish it was that simple!  It's not though :( I have to do things that are hard to make myself a better person--or paper writer. I like instructions, outlines, guides on how to write the paper; none of this brainstorming nonsense.  Don't trick me teachers, tell me what to do and I'll do it.  Don't give me the assignment and then expect me to exceed the requirements by a billion and then keep going. Give me a break!  I wish I didn't have such apathy about school, I am trying so hard to NOT let it get the better of me.  I hope it doesn't because if it does, I will be ruined and then you will have no more Blogs to read in order to be entertained.

It's Valentine's Day..?

After my last post of about three minutes ago, I saw the date.  It's Valentine's Day.  yay. I have never actually hated Valentine's Day, I just have normally looked forward to when I would have someone to make over me...it will happen in the future.  But for now, I will be just fine with my Mommy's Valentine's :) She gave me a love fern this year, of course it is in no nature close to a fern, but I just want to call it that to be festive. 

I also dream about what my Valentine's Day date might go like...it could either go great, or be a disaster.  I hope for the first, or maybe the latter; which one would be more memorable?  Maybe a complete disaster, I mean I would never forget it?! But I will not bore anyone with silly daydreams, rather I don't want to embarrass myself.

So Happy Valentine's Day to all you cute, adorable, in-love couples out there who are spending this evening with the one they care most about.  For me, it's Biology tonight...first test of the semester tomorrow. yay. I'm sort of a player tonight, after Biology I have History anddd then English.  I might try and sqeeze in Chemistry ;) but he miiiight have to wait until tomorrow.  But you know what they say? Love first, think later. Totally unrelated, but this is my blog and I make the rules here.

I can't keep my Valentine's Dates waiting anyyy longer. Byeee!

It's been a while.

Hello long lost blog!  I almost forgot what you looked like! And I'm sure you didn't recognize me either because I've lost 5 pounds since I last saw you (not really, but I am aiming for that) I really am, and it is so incredibly hard to break old habits that are so comforting.  Such as ice-cream from the Cafe, or french fries, or sweet tea.  But it has got to happen, this girl needs a reform and needs to drop 10 pounds ASAP.  Why can't things that are deep fried and delicious help you lose weight? That is question. But I already know the answer and I don't want to admit it to myself or hold myself accountable.  So I have decided that I am going to limit carbs and sugar...*ugh*.  But I know that this is what has got to happen, I need to help my body out because in a hectic stressful routine the last thing I need to worry about is my pants fitting.  I know this is the internet and pretty much everyone has access to this, but I think blogging about it will help me be held accountable.  So hear it goes, wish me luck. I really am going to need it.

...but I think I need to go buy some cute workout clothes first, right? Ahhh I am just procrastinating...

Total Young Life Move

Knowing everyone you see while wearing Chacos with socks, a Patagonia fleece and a Kavu bag all while having Frisbee moves better than the people in the Tron movie, TYLM (Total Young Life move, follow them on Twitter. Hilarious.) My friends and I used this all weekend--it was so fun, and hilarious.

This weekend I had the opportunity to serve the Young Life leaders and committee members of the Tar heel Region. How fun?! And what an honor?! It was a great time. Young Life has always been a very big part of my life, and I hope that it will continue to always be close to my heart.  But my prayer is that my love for Young Life will not get in the way of my love for Jesus.  I often find myself loving Young Life more than I love the man it's all about, Jesus.  But I do believe that Young Life is a great way to bring Jesus Christ into the lives of high schoolers, middle schoolers, and college students. And that's what it is all about, Jesus--Who is my Daddy. :)  That was what the speaker spoke on this weekend, knowing your Daddy. 

It was so good to get refreshed and have my cup refilled.  I love serving, but everyone needs to have their life replenished time and time again. 

The speaker also spoke on forgiveness. Now when it comes to forgiveness I am like a pendulum, one extreme or another.  I will either forgive too easily, without a second thought or I will hold a grudge till my face turns blue.  I struggle more with the later, I hate to admit.  My stubbornness comes from wanting to make others feel how they made me feel when they hurt me. I think a better word would be revenge. I want revenge! That sounds so savage when put to words, and in a way it is! It is our human nature to want to make others feel bad about themselves or the decisions they have made that have affected the people around them.  But there also comes a freedom from forgiving someone for hurting you.  All I want to do is hold on to my hurt and constantly think to myself, how could they do something like that to me? Do they even care about anyone else but themselves? But letting go of this hurt is very freeing; forgiving someone for something they did to you. It's hard! Don't get me wrong, but holding on to this hurt doesn't make things any easier and it sure doesn't make life more enjoyable.  I forgave someone this weekend, I won't mention their name because this is the Internet you know? Anyone can read what I'm posting which at this moment really creeps me out. I forgave someone who hurt me, hurt me really bad.  It was hard, and I didn't want to do it. I wanted to keep holding on to that hurt so that I could have a huge pity party that has lasted for way too long. Now of course, I didn't have this party everydayyy; just everyday that ended in "y". ;) But seriously, I didn't.  Just when things weren't looking too good and I needed something to be mad about--classy right? I can't believe I just admitted that, but I'm certain I'm not the only person who struggles with this.  I was only focused on me, and that shouldn't be the case.   And when it comes to my pendulum of forgiveness, I think I should be more prone to forgive others.  Jesus gives me second chances ALL the time, and I often never deserve them. 

So forgive. Forgive so that you may live freely.  And love, for love conquers all (sooo cheesy, but it's true.)  So blog world, whoever chooses to read my ramblins', I hope you read this and learn from my mistakes that I have made many times.

Is it that big of a deal?

After my last post about nothingness and selfish thoughts, something tragic happened. A girl, Cassie Hill, who is one year older than me at High Point University passed away. She was a sister of the Alpha Gamma Delta Sorority, and I have only heard positive things about her. She died very unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm. There was nothing that could have been done to prevent this, it could have happened to anyone.  Anyone.  Life is too fragile to worry about things that are out of your control and to complain about things that in the long run, are a pebble in your journey of life.  What is the point when such terrible things are happening around us and we are worried about how much weight we need to lose or how we really need to have a boyfriend or how we wish that everything was about one person, ourselves.  Everyone is concerned about only themselves; but what would happen if everyone worried about everyone else?  What if for one day we eliminated the word, "I"?  How much could we say? My first thought in the morning today was who text messaged me while I was asleep? Really Megan? Coooomee onnn! So my goal for tomorrow and for the rest of the my journey through life is to worry about OTHER people, because I am certain that so many more people have it SO much worse than I do today.  I will love, I will be patient, I will be humbled by the never ending grace of Jesus and I will aim to show others the peace I find in Him. 

I did not know Cassie, but my prayers are for her friends, her family, her teachers and everyone she has touched in her life.  Seeing so many people affected by her death gives me the desire to live life to the fullest and not look back. 

So are my problems really that big of a deal?  Right now. No. Not a chance. 

Don't sweat the small stuff, and remember it is all small stuff.

What's happeninnn.

Hello Blog. I am sorry to say that right now you are acting as a means of procrastination, I am shamed to admit this. But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade! No purpose in that comment. Just like I feel there is no purpose in me doing my homework, I mean it isn't due until Tuesday sooo I have a few days (really one, but who is counting?! obvi not meee.) Well if I wait until tomorrow to finish it all, I will probably not get it all done.  So I could be a good girl and finish it now orrrr hate myself tomorrow for not doing it tonight. Maybe I should make some lemonade? See! This is the mind I am dealing with, granted it is my mind. But I mean can't someone else deal with my thoughts for tonight? No. That isn't possible. But I can dream. Day dream, as I do often. Like now for example! I won't let you all in on what I am day dreaming about, it'll be my little secret. Probs don't want to know anyways. Well the better of me is telling me to finish my work. So that is my little blabber of the night.  I like that word, "blabber". My goal is to use it five times tomorrow, I'll let you know how it goes. 

Grace will lead me Home.

I grew up in a very traditional Church.  To many that may seem very foreign. We sang no contemporary worship songs and the service was set up the same--I had the bulletin memorized but would still look at it every five minutes to see what came next.  Maybe it made the time go by faster, or maybe it was a habit.  Hymns were a part of my life, and I have may that  really enjoy and will always get something out of them when we sing them.  

While at school I have been going to the same Church for about a year but today I went to a different Church, The Summit Church, with one of my friends.  It was a great experience.  The message today was that we are all lost and even if we have come to know Jesus, everyday we wander astray due to our sinful nature.  We are in constant need of Jesus' guidance, and we never run out of re-do's.  Unending Love, Amazing Grace.  At the end of the service we sang Amazing Grace, one of my all time favorite Hymns.  The lyrics speak for themselves.  What an Amazing God with Unending Love and Amazing Grace. 

True Grit, a movie I would recommend to anyone! It was a great movie, and showed the joy in the simplicity of life.  Mattie Ross, a fireball of a girl who is on a mission to avenge her fathers death, says in the beginning of the movie, "You must pay for everything in this world, one way and another. There is nothing free except the Grace of God."  How very true and so well said?  Without the grace of God I would be so very lost.  And it is the Grace of God that I am forever grateful for--It is Grace that has brought me safe thus far and it is Grace that will lead me Home.


Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.


Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.


The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.


Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.


Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Not my cup of Tea.

I love tea. Especially green tea. I like to go the whole 9 yards when it comes to tea and not just get the tea bags; don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good tea bags out there! But I like to pretend that I live in a English place where they enjoy afternoon tea. So I myself, enjoy afternoon tea.  Not everyday though, but I try to atleast several times a week. It is hard to sit down with nothing else to do and just drink a few cups of tea. I mean who has time for that!?  I make time--sometimes...It really is a very relaxing, and calming thing to do! And so often we are on the run, or literally running (which I hate) that we miss the simple things in life. Like sitting down with nothing else, no music, no computer, no t.v., just silence.  People don't like silence because it says too much. True dat.  When I have my quiet times, I feel so refreshed.  One can only think about others and give all their effort to other people without feeling like and empty tea cup--empty.  It is so nice to sit down for a few minutes and just be silent.  Many people may journal or they may just let their thoughts wander and some poeple will pick up a paint brush and paint.  Silence.  What a concept?  It's the first of the year and many people want to turn over a new leaf, lose weight, quit smoking, run a 5k (or in my case crawl over the finish line), and start going to church again or find a church to go to, enjoy life more, get out of debt etc. The list is always the same. Never changes.  But by the end of this year I bet many people will be just trying to get through the rest of the year without losing their minds!  This year, my New Years Resolution is to be the BEST I can be in every aspect of my life.  This ties into my moments of silence I try to enjoy everyday.  When I'm silent, I spend it with this great guy Jesus.  Each day I strive to be the best follower of Him I can be.  And most days I fail, but he is there at the end of the day smiling back at me saying, "Good job today, Megan. You did great."  Throughout the day He doesn't leave me stranded to figure things out myself, nope.  He helps me; He is the little voice in my head that softly reminds me to have a soft-heart, to love others, to be patient, and to follow Him blindly.  It's hard, and most days I wonder why He hasn't given up on me. 

A part of being the best I can be, also means taking care of my body.  And to do this, I have been going to the gym with my room mate Catie to work out which is by no means my cup of tea!  Catie is a workout Queen, long legs, stamina, and endurance.  Me on the other hand, I have short legs that have a hard time moving, especially on the treadmill, no stamina and I often times feel as if my throat is closing up on me, NBD really! While working out, I often feel like this cat with a melon on his head.  Annoyed. How do you explain to someone that is athletic what it feels like to be out of shape?  You can't. It's like trying to explain to someone who has been in a relationship for most of their life, how single people feel. Not possible.  They may give you encouraging words but in the back of your mind you are thinking, "I wish it was that simple."  When working out, I have a hard time. All the time.  And I don't think it has always been this way, only when I realized that carbs really can solve all of your problems--all you have to do is eat!  But I continue to go, and I continue "to get better at working out"  Now I normally keep my frustrations to myself, but I had a melt down the other day.  The story begins with jump roping.  We were going to do 50 jumps of rope and then run two laps around the track and continue for four times.  So we begin jumping: one (not to bad!), two (I kind of like this!), three (why don't I do this more often?), four (gosh, I should be on a jump roping team.), trip. No big deal! I'll just start over. Ok, I can do this, its just a rope and I am just jumping.  I get to six this time, I'll try again. I can do this!  Catie gives me some pointers, I take them into consideration. I get to five, great one less than last time. I'm getting worse. I start to feel sad, I'm a failure! Catie can do it! Why can't I do it?!  Keep trying, keep messing up. Start to get really annoyed. I hate doing things I am bad at! Why can't I be athletic? So all of this boils up, Catie's pointers, my unathleticness, why am I out of breath?, this stupid rope keeps getting caught in my feet, I wish I could do this better!, I quit.  I wanted my mommy at this point, she always makes me feel better.  But I had to run a lap around the track, great.  I was mad, and it was apparent.  I hate being mad, it makes people so uncomfortable and I feel so awful afterwards and I just want to take back all my angry actions.  But you can't do that, you know?  What's done is done.  I tell this story to show you that I hate doing things I am bad at.  I don't like to admit defeat.  I want to be strong and fix everything, but I can't.  I started thinking while I was doing the stair-master, that I don't show others Jesus like I should--that is something I do bad! I want other people to see Jesus in my everyday life, I want them to know how great and loving He is!  I aim for my life to be a reflection of His love.  I want to be the BEST I can be.  I want to know Him more, and I want to follow Him blindly through my life wherever He may take me.

It is official.

I have made it official. I am no longer a member of the addicting, superficial world of Facebook.  I deactivated my account only a few moments ago. When I went to deactivate it, Facebook told me that some of my virtual friends will miss me. Yes, you read that right--I was told that 5 different people would miss me.  I don't remember exactly who they were but Facebook said, "So and so will miss you" and then showed a pictured of me and so and so. And it did that for 4 other people; in addition it gave me the option of sending them a message and "reconnecting" with them.  I also had to give a reason for my departure and when I clicked the option of "I spend way too much time of Facebook" a solution came up. Yes, a solution to not spend time on Facebook.  Hmm, how much harder is Facebook going to try and stop me from deactivating my account?  The solution you ask?  "You can limit the amount of time you spend on Facebook by not recieving emails about your notifications."  Not a very good solution if you ask me, because when I started my Facebook account I cared nothing about emails! Come on, I was in highschool. I actually had already chose to not recieve emails about my notifications!  I thought you should know this Facebook, how long have we been together?!  4 years. And you didn't even know I chose not to recieve emails about my notifications.  What other lies will I learn about our relationship?  So good try Facebook, but I'm sorry to say that you have lost a devoted stalker of people who she never sees in real life and wishes "to keep in touch" with the people "close" to her.  Facebook didn't give up at the guilt trip of who would "miss me" once I leave. Nooo, once I had done the deed, the Facebook log in page came up with my email typed in and the "Keep me logged in" box checked; all that was left to do was type in my password. There was also a sweet good bye note that said "Hope to see you back again soon.  We will miss you." Really?  It also gave me instructions on how to reactivate my account, all I have to do is simply log in as I normally would using my email and password.  Gosh, what and ordeal I thought.  Who would have thought it would be this big of a deal to deactivate, not even delete, their Facebook account.

Since I had just lost a social network friend, I went to the next closest thing: my email.  And I had to my very surprise an email from Facebook telling me that I had just deactivated my account and if I wish to return all I would have to do is log in using my email and password just as I normally would do--Yaaa I know! You already told me once.   And it also gave me a link to do so! As if I had immediate regrets on my decission!  Facebook REALLY wasn't going to give up, I am sure he was determined to be the last man satanding and get the last word in.  Gosh, did I just end a long term relationship?   I told Facebook I wasn't intrested in him anymore and he had his heart set on showing my many reasons why I should still date him.  As if I didn't mean it the first time, FACEBOOK I AM OVER YOU.  Geez, do I have to spell it out in HTML script for you Facebook?! Why is it such a big deal?  So Facebook decided to send a note to my email; he sank that low.  He went to the other virtual relationship I have to try and get me back.  Facebook is a long term boyfriend who really loves me and uses his resources really well--his main one being my email.  Don't you mess with my good friend the email!  He tells me how it is, doesn't play games, and is a devoted friend who doesn't consume my life.  But you Facebook, youuuu, you are the worst. You demand SO much time out of my life!  And you are soo unsatisfiying. So I bid you farewale, thanks for a whole lot of nothing!