Well, my plan for blogging once a week didn't happen. I sort of knew it wouldn't, so I guess I set myself up for failure in that sense. A lot like I set most people I know up for failure, which isn't good for either parties.
You must be thinking, "Woah, that is really dark and gloomy to say." I think it too, so don't feel bad if you were thinking it. I don't mind! Truth is, it is dark and gloomy. And silly. But I do it, and I didn't even realize it until just recently!! Gosh, and I am so glad I did.
I have (had, well I'm working on "hading" them) these expectations for people to meet. These expectations of mine are no where near low, they are quite high. And when they don't meet them, I am crushed to say the least. I mourn. They were supposed to be there for me like I was for them! I didn't talk about them behind their back! I didn't take what they did for me for granted, I cherished it. I didn't make them feel silly for wearing clothes I didn't necessarily liked, I didn't lie to them either and tell them I liked it. (Which, is something I detest! If you do not like something, please do not tell me you do. That's lame, and not genuine.) I didn't ignore them. I wasn't fake. I was real, sometimes to real. And they didn't do all these things. They were supposed to though!! They were supposed to, they were my friend. But, people are people and people are selfish. They are. And it hurts me dearly when they lean towards their human desires. I guess people who get upset over these things are people with a big heart. I think more people have big hearts than they let on at first. I think I'm not the only one who sets these expectations.
As humans, we want approval. Approval from who? Man, mostly. And how do we get this approval? Different ways. Everyone has ways of getting approval. For me? It's a lot of things. Silly things. Things people say you shouldn't worry about, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that, you just can't stop worrying!! There has to be "That Moment"; a moment where different fragments of ideas come together in your mind and you think, "That's what it means!! I get it now! It all makes sense." Some of the things I do for approval: Dress nicely, eat healthier (around people, you should see me in my room… only joking), lose weight, make good grades, have it "together" (whatever the heck that entails) the list goes on. BUT THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER! They don't! Aren't you so happy?! I am, and I figured it out on Thursday. I was so relieved and proud of myself for making this conclusion, Jesus helped me out though.
I have expectations of people, why? To fill a void in my life. A void that will never be filled by other people, never. It is crazy to think it will. This void that I have, one that I mostly try to fill by getting approval of man, can only be filled by one Person. Jesus.
It is not about losing weight or being "attractive" to the opposite sex!! It's about growing and learning from the One who created us. He knows us so well. He knows are struggles, our pains, but loves us just the same! He will never not meet our expectations! And I am so happy I realized this! It wasn't a "camp-felt-moment"--we all know those. You're at camp and you feel really moved by the speaker and you think you just get it. Yes, sometimes they are genuine! And I do not discount things that people realize while at camp. NOT AT ALL. It wasn't something that I felt like I had to believe; like it's my duty or something. I've been through all the "moments" trying to convince myself to believe something that I just didn't get quite yet. But I got this time. I sure did.
I was sitting at my Area's Young Life Banquet (I was able to go over Fall Break, eeek!) and I was listening to a kid that I had led in Wyld Life talk about who Jesus was to him. I remember when he first came to club, his name is Jake Hayden and his older sister, Sam was one of my 8th grade girls I took to camp. He talked about how when he came to Wyld Life, he felt at home. At home. He never missed a Club. And now he is speaking about Jesus. In front of a hundred of people he doesn't even know. He talked about the leaders, I was one of them. I made a difference in his life. I led him while he was in 6th grade and then saw him again this summer when I went as an adult leader for Wyld Life camp. And now he is in high school walking with Christ.
Walking with Christ exceeds your expectations if you are willing to live life with hands open which allows you to be more obedient, you don't have to be fake or put on the I-have-everything-together mask, and you can do GREAT things with Jesus.
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