Struggles

Both me and Molly, my 10 year old sister are dealing with the same thing. It is funny how that seems to be the trend for your relatives. Just like mommy and I are always struggling with the same thing at the same time- I will call her up and tell her whats going on in my life and she will pause and say something like, "That is exactly the same for me." It is amazing how connected I am to my family, even though I am so far away from them. 

I Facetimed Molly today and she answered with tears in her eyes, she didn't try and compose herself as I did before calling her. She had worked so hard on a project and this time their projects were peer-reviewed. Her friends had been very harsh on her and were allowing personal feelings cloud their judgement. Poor Molly. She was heartbroken-  I was listening with tear in my eyes as she went through what they said and how she was scared that her teacher would not give her a good grade. I listened as she worked hard to articulate the emotions her body was feeling. Can you remember when it was hard to put words to how you were feeling? That feeling of not knowing how to express yourself? Feeling as if your friends weren't really your friends?

After Molly finished, I explained that I was dealing with something pretty similar. Since being back at school, I have really missed home. I miss the familiarity of my bed. The squeaks in the hardwood floor, the soft footsteps of my cat Suzie. The warm embrace I receive each day from Molly, her laugh that follows many of my goofy tendencies, her loving gaze- the one where I know she is thinking, "Man, sister is really cool." ;). I miss mommy's bubbly demeanor, always bringing energy in the room until we decide to watch a movie and her energy runs out and she begins to watch her favorite film starring the back of her eyelids. I miss the serenity of looking up at the sky and seeing more stars than I could ever count, hearing those bugs chirping that sooth me to sleep. I miss hearing the rooster as I go get the eggs or venture outside to feel the mountain air against my skin. Oh and the fire place, how I miss the smell of the wood burning. I miss hearing daddy's workboots hit the floor after he has taken them off after a long day at work. Seeing him walk into the kitchen from the mudroom in his signature Carhart pants and shirt, sometimes in as many as three layers! Daddy loves to be warm, and sometimes I think he enjoys sweating! 

All these wonderful things- I have to learn to live without. I have to adjust to not being with them. You can imagine how hard that is for me! They are all such wonderful things! I come back to school and I am around many people who are thrilled to be back at school, but I am still getting used to life without my beautiful family. In this time, I am very sad. And there are things that hurt me more than they normally would because I am so sad about being away from home. As I share with Molly about my struggle she says something that just cracked me up: "On what planet is it ok to leave people out? Like do people think it is ok to do that?!" She heard my laughter and then began to try even harder, which just ended in not being too funny… :) I loved talking to her! I miss her and I cherish her friendship so much. So some of y'all are probably like- ok isn't her sister like half her age? Yes! Thats why Molly is so hilarious! And thats why I love her so dearly! 

Here is a picture from when we were Facetiming- she was saying how she was trying to decide if she liked smiling with teeth or no teeth. She does this smile (below) and says that this is her "I'm in a bad mood but don't feel like telling you smile." I mean, you can't make this stuff up y'all!