Maybe I'll blog more once I graduate...

Food for thought… Maybe I will have more time once I graduate to blog. (HA!) As I have been told, and have also experienced- life doesn't slow down! It just gets more awesome :)

Graduation is near and very much real. I am having a hard time grasping the fact that I will be graduated this time next week. Weird?! I have grown up so much. I have learned more than I thought I would while being at college. It has been a great experience, sometimes were hard and I felt very lonely but other times I would look around me and see my many blessings. 

I have so many things to be thankful for. Where to begin!? 

1. My family. Where would I be without them? They lift me up and encourage me continuously, showing me the beauty of a life centered around Christ. I am forever grateful for them. Yes, we have had our fair share of hard times- but who doesn't? The hard times meld us together into a beautiful piece of work, unique in our own special way. The good times allow us to laugh together, to see how amazing each of our members are, and appreciate and cherish one another. I love them so much. I can confidently say that I will always be a home body, cherishing the times I have at home. To my family: I love you more than words can express, each of you hold a very special place in my heart. I can not articulate the meaning and value you have in my life. 
2. My friends. I have such great friends! Seriously, they are just the best. I have been able to meet so many awesome people while being at school. I love them all! I sometimes forget how much we crave true community, and I am very blessed to have found it while being at school. I came here knowing only a handful of people and I am leaving with more friends than I can count. Of course, each of my relationships are different. Each of them having their own characteristics. But that is the beauty of life! You meet people and you share yourself with them, forming a bond unlike any other relationship you have. That makes each of them so very special! I will often compare a relationship I have with someone to a relationship they share with another person, but this will only lead to self-doubt! Pushing me to ask the questions, "Do I matter?" and "Am I important to anyone?" My relationships are special in their own way! How quickly do I forget this? It isn't long until I allow myself to hear the gentle voice of Jesus saying in a way that causes me to collapse in his arms, "You are my beloved, and I love you more than I can express in words. You matter more to me than anything. Cant you see how I have been loving and pursuing you your whole life? Don't allow yourself to put your worth in others! I love you." My friends are great! I love each of them in a different way, but I do not love them any less than another. 
3. My professors. Man I have had some AWESOME professors! I can't even begin to type up all of the amazing ones I have had the chance to come in contact with. What a joy it has been getting to know all of them! Many of them have gone to great lengths to help me understand a concept or bring up my grade. Sometimes, I have stayed after class to talk to a professor just simply because they ROCK! Gosh, they really are great. They have been one of my favorite aspects of college. The biology department is just a prize to me. Yes, we don't have the newest building on campus but inside that building are faculty that will knock your socks off with the knowledge they have. If you haven't met and of them, I would highly recommend taking some time to go and meet the awesome professors of Congdon Hall. 
4. Jesus. He loves me more than I will ever comprehend. He has stood by me while I remain mad at Him, not understanding my purpose in life. I can't put into words all that He has done in my life. I only pray that I will not leave His side, I will hold tightly to His hand as I walk into the next chapter of my life fearful of the unknown. 
5. Many more things! I can't name everything I am grateful for in one post, I would be here all day. Instead, I challenge you to go throughout your day and look at everything you are thankful for. So often we grumble and complain about the things that aren't, but when we stop to see the things that are we are filed with joy. Having a grateful heart, brings joy to our Savior. He delights to see us smile and give thanks for His blessings. It may be unnatural at first, but once you begin to see your blessings you won't be able to stop. It's wonderful! 

Habitat Loss: where do our loyalties lie? With rodents or with cats?

For better understanding of this post- please refer to this article: 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/story/2013/01/29/science-cats-kill-billions-birds-mammals.html

In a new study, the results show that cats may kill up to 3.7 billion birds and 20.7 billion mammals each year. Stray cats are most likely the reason for the many deaths of the species- there are about 30 million to 80 million feral cats in the US that are capable of killing up to 200 mammals a year alone. But domesticated cats were not excluded from this, and are too very guilty of killing many mammals to bring to their masters who they love and care deeply for. Pet cats (mine included) caused 258 million to 1.5 billion of the bird deaths and 571 million to 2.5 billion of the mammal deaths. Maybe the cause of this high number of deaths could be attributed to a cat's need to impress their masters. Cats have been known to bring gifts to show they loving masters- many times leaving these gifts to rot and decompose shortly after their life has been ended. Are these deaths something to worry about, or have they been helping keep the number of rodents and birds to a safe number? Would we rather have more cats running around the streets or more pigeons, rats, and rabbits parading around our feet pecking, nibbling and hopping around waiting for morsels of food? If it was up to me- cats would be seen as royalty! 

Why hate a day to show love?

Isn't it ironic that a holiday where people show their love, is actually one of the most hated holidays? I understand that it may disappointing not to have a romantic partner to celebrate with, but that just means you get to celebrate with so many more people! It is a day that you can show love to everyone and people can't call you weird. You are able to show how much you love all your friends! How great is that?! You don't need a romantic partner to make your Valentines Day special! Call up your girlfriends and get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant, get ice-cream, go see a movie, snuggle up with your cat! Don't mope around wishing you had someone special to celebrate with, because you more than one special someone to celebrate with! 

SO. Valentine's Day is only a month away! I love holidays- they are all so wonderful! When I have a family of my own, I am going to go all out for each of the holidays (just as mommy did with me). I can't wait! Even now, I would buy all of the decorations if I wasn't on a forced budget; this, however will not keep me from celebrating. I have been brainstorming since last Valentine's Day about the Valentine's that I want to make. I am going to make several different kinds and carry a bag around to pass out Valentines to anyone I see. (stay tuned for a blog post about my cards) Everyone deserves to feel special and I just hate it that people let the fact that they don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend get in the way of their happiness. And what better way to show them love than with a homemade Valentine?! 

To those of you who get discouraged around this holiday of love, remember that there is a King who is enthralled with your beauty. He desires to know your heart, He will go to great lengths to allow you to get a small taste of His great love for us. Remember that He is the one you should love more than anyone or anything else on this Earth. 

Greater love has no one than this, that He would lay down His life for His friends. John 15:13

The Lord seeks to know you more; share your deepest desires with Him. He won't be surprised or push you away. In fact He will pull you closer  so that you may feel His everlasting love. 

I encourage each of you to rethink Valentine's Day. If it is a day designated for you to be bitter that you don't have a significant other to spend it with, think again. You do have someone special to spend it with! And He has not left your side- we are the ones who want to remain at a safe distance so that we won't get too close. But that is no way to live- you will wear yourself out keeping track of the boundaries you place rather than letting people love you to the extent that they please. You can only be loved to the extent that you are known. The Lord knows you better than you know yourself- so let Him love you completely, unconditionally, with arms outstretched! 

Memories- I don't want to forget any!

This year, is going to be a great year! I am really looking forward to everything this year has in store for me. The Lord has such a wonderful plan for my life- and I am excited to see His plan.

Several of my friends did a Memory Jar last year, each time something happened whether it be a good memory or something funny that happened that day, they wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. Well, I thought this was a great idea! So I decided to make one for myself.

Instead of going out to buy some fun scrapbook paper to write my memories on, I decided to reuse something! Last summer, I bought a Lilly Pulitzer planner. I thought it was the cutest, ever. It had pretty colors, it was just the right size, I loved it. But I also loved it because Lilly Pulitzer is very popular at school. So, I get to school; I'm sitting in my meeting for Ambassador and I decide to put the events in my new calendar. I pull out my new planner, and begin to write. I then notice another girl pull out the same planner… "Hmm, odd..?" I think to myself- it is probably just a coincidence. Well, then another girl pulls out the planner in a different pattern, and then another, I see them everywhere! The icing on the cake was when the boy beside me pulled one out! (That part was made up for your enjoyment) 

As I go through my first week at school, I see these planners everywhere! Everyone has one. I felt more like a conformist than when I bought my Uggs. This planner needed to go. I didn't like it anymore. It was bulky and I felt as if since I had it, I was just like everyone else. And I didn't (don't) like Lilly Pulitzer that much to begin with. So I decided to be like all the hipsters and get a Moleskine planner. I am so original, right? ;) 

Anyways, I tell you this so you know that I have had an unused Lilly Pulitzer planner laying around for the past year. This is the preface to my crafty extravaganza. 

For this memory jar, I needed fun paper to write my memories on! I couldn't just write them on plain white paper?! So I needed to wait until I got paid because the funds were dwindling since I went to Passion… But I would be missing so many great memories! So one day after class, I get back to my room and I am just feeling very crafty. I love art projects and I love crafting- it relaxes me and soothes my soul. If you don't do it that often, I recommend it! 

As I sit on my bed, raiding my craft box to see if there is any fun scrap book paper- I see the planner sitting on my bookshelf above my bed. I hear the hallelujah chorus sing and I leap to grab this beacon of hope! I begin ripping the pages out with the cute pictures and patterns. I start cutting them out, getting more excited by the minute. I finish cutting and I go into my closet and pull out a spare Mason jar (it is essential for a southern lady to have many spare Mason jars in her closet) and begin to fill it with several memories that have already happened.   

This planner, a beacon of hope for a college student who is on a forced budget, was used to make a memory jar for 2013!

I begin to rip out the pages, I see some of my plans from 2012- I am reminded of a wonderful year filled with growth!

Each of the patterns are so fun! However, I would probably never choose to wear them on my body. I admire the ladies who can pull them off!

As I was ripping out the pages, there were several quotes in the planner that were just a tad bit lame…

Shells are so last year…

Pink and green don't make good disguises! Thats common sense!

Shouldn't it say "Play lemonade stand?"
(I actually believe they may be referring to the fact that Lilly Pulitzer started out but working at a juice stand and would make fun patterned aprons, and her friends/customers were more interested in the aprons rather than the juice)

I'm not sure if this is a good message to be sending to college students… 

These quotes were seen in the beginning of each new month, most of them were pretty lame. I found them to be very worldly… But there were a few that I did like! 

Appreciating animals will NEVER go out of style! 

This one needs little explanation: I love plants, so therefore I love leaves! 

The cutting took a while, but in the end it was well worth it! 

My finished project! I had to play a little catch up and fill in some memories already.

All of the cutting paid off! My hand was very sore, but in the end it was worth it!

This project was a lot of fun! I enjoy being able to reuse things and not have to waste things. I hope after this post you are inspired to reuse old things and to craft more! Both are a habit that will leave you feeling wonderful! 

Struggles

Both me and Molly, my 10 year old sister are dealing with the same thing. It is funny how that seems to be the trend for your relatives. Just like mommy and I are always struggling with the same thing at the same time- I will call her up and tell her whats going on in my life and she will pause and say something like, "That is exactly the same for me." It is amazing how connected I am to my family, even though I am so far away from them. 

I Facetimed Molly today and she answered with tears in her eyes, she didn't try and compose herself as I did before calling her. She had worked so hard on a project and this time their projects were peer-reviewed. Her friends had been very harsh on her and were allowing personal feelings cloud their judgement. Poor Molly. She was heartbroken-  I was listening with tear in my eyes as she went through what they said and how she was scared that her teacher would not give her a good grade. I listened as she worked hard to articulate the emotions her body was feeling. Can you remember when it was hard to put words to how you were feeling? That feeling of not knowing how to express yourself? Feeling as if your friends weren't really your friends?

After Molly finished, I explained that I was dealing with something pretty similar. Since being back at school, I have really missed home. I miss the familiarity of my bed. The squeaks in the hardwood floor, the soft footsteps of my cat Suzie. The warm embrace I receive each day from Molly, her laugh that follows many of my goofy tendencies, her loving gaze- the one where I know she is thinking, "Man, sister is really cool." ;). I miss mommy's bubbly demeanor, always bringing energy in the room until we decide to watch a movie and her energy runs out and she begins to watch her favorite film starring the back of her eyelids. I miss the serenity of looking up at the sky and seeing more stars than I could ever count, hearing those bugs chirping that sooth me to sleep. I miss hearing the rooster as I go get the eggs or venture outside to feel the mountain air against my skin. Oh and the fire place, how I miss the smell of the wood burning. I miss hearing daddy's workboots hit the floor after he has taken them off after a long day at work. Seeing him walk into the kitchen from the mudroom in his signature Carhart pants and shirt, sometimes in as many as three layers! Daddy loves to be warm, and sometimes I think he enjoys sweating! 

All these wonderful things- I have to learn to live without. I have to adjust to not being with them. You can imagine how hard that is for me! They are all such wonderful things! I come back to school and I am around many people who are thrilled to be back at school, but I am still getting used to life without my beautiful family. In this time, I am very sad. And there are things that hurt me more than they normally would because I am so sad about being away from home. As I share with Molly about my struggle she says something that just cracked me up: "On what planet is it ok to leave people out? Like do people think it is ok to do that?!" She heard my laughter and then began to try even harder, which just ended in not being too funny… :) I loved talking to her! I miss her and I cherish her friendship so much. So some of y'all are probably like- ok isn't her sister like half her age? Yes! Thats why Molly is so hilarious! And thats why I love her so dearly! 

Here is a picture from when we were Facetiming- she was saying how she was trying to decide if she liked smiling with teeth or no teeth. She does this smile (below) and says that this is her "I'm in a bad mood but don't feel like telling you smile." I mean, you can't make this stuff up y'all! 

New Beginnings

New beginnings, a fresh start, a clean plate, the new "you"- there are many ways to state a new stage in your life. People have high hopes in the beginning of the year to become a better person, to lose weight or to exercise more, to end a harmful habit and to pick up a more beneficial habit instead. Many of these things I hope for myself! I have plans to be a better person and to not buy into consumerism or live for others. This, however is more easier said than done. (I will keep you updated). I also would like to blog more… a little confused as to why because I don't really think I have too many people jumping up and down to catch a glimpse of my blog, but hey- I can dream big! 

Today marked the start of new classes, actually my last semester as an undergraduate! A really weird feeling. As I walked to my first class, I thought of when my parents left me at college in between the thoughts of me not getting my desired seat. To my luck and quick pace, I made it to my seat- the one I wanted. I also continued my thoughts of my first year at college. It was the weirdest feeling to see them walk away and know that I was away from them! I remember where I saw them last, what I was wearing, and looking back a second too late to notice that they were out of my view. It was scary, I was all by myself now. My family would be going back to Asheville and I would be staying in the Piedmont area in High Point, NC. I managed, and went through a lot that year. I grew up, I become a woman. I dealt with things that happened in my past, I grieved, I laughed, I thought, I cried, I learned about the party scene, I cried some more, and I definitely laughed some more,  I studied more then than I believe I did in all of my college career. I was excited about life. I was still a young girl, I still had my slim figure as I did in high school, I was very different than I am now. In ways I have become a much mature adult, but in other ways I have developed more negative characteristics. But I have learned so much! I have learned to recognize things in my life that I never knew how to recognize four years ago. I commend myself for growing so much! I tend to focus only on the things that I dislike about myself, but I have some very good qualities as well. These need to be recognized as well! I am growing this year, I can feel it in my bones.

2013. The year I graduate from college. The year I get my first adult job. The year I live for only The Lord and not for men. The year I learn to not love the world. The year I do not victimize myself. The year I realize I am worthy of another man's love. The year I do not fear being hurt. The year I also guard my heart. The year I start treating my body the way it deserves to be treated. The year I to live with my hands open, not holding onto things in my life. The year I love whole-heartedly the people The Lord has called me to pursue. The year I whole-heartedly love myself for who I am and not who I want to become. The year I give to others, rather than wanting more. The year I do not try and be someone "attractive" via social media sites. The year I limit my time on social media, using it for connecting to others NOT comparing to others. The year I grow more into the woman The Lord desires me to be. 

A little motivation...

Well… I was in need of a little motivation! So I organized a dance party for myself. Anyone can do it; and I can show you how! 

1. Watch this video to give yourself motivation-

2. Repeat aloud 10 times, "I like myself!" while standing in Mountain Pose (feet planted firmly on the earth, with each of your digits making contact; good posture, and hands at heart center)

3. Listen to "Girl on Fire" and sing in the mirror like Alicia Keys

4. Listen to a second song, I chose "Home" by Phillip Phillips. But any song of choice that will get you up and dancing around your room without a care in the world will do!

5. Smile for the rest of the day. 

6. Accomplish that to-do list! (but don't let it define you!!!) 

Rock on readers, ROCK ON. 

Thoughts on Life...

Recently, my thoughts have all been geared towards life. And not just reflecting, but trying to figure out my life. My purpose, my strengths, my weaknesses, my goals. So far, there have been a lot of things I would like to do. And the more I think about my scary-very-close-and-becoming-SO-real-future, I can conclude that there are many things that I would like to do! And I am pretty good at coming up with my ideal future and just hoping that it will happen, and then my Savior gently reminds me that He has something so much greater in store for me. This can be a double edged sword sometimes, and I write to you all with all honesty. There are things in my life that I desire so deeply! I can convince myself that they are things that I NEED, I picture them in my future and when I take them out, my future can become this lifeless, and colorless picture. Humanly I have many desires and I currently am in a state where I see those desires as a necessity. Especially now, as my future is near and is becoming so much of a reality, I want to cling very tightly to the things I want to control. However, it seems the more I cling and the tighter I hold, the more out of control things seem.

For someone like myself: a list-maker, a planner, and someone who is lost without their planner (or now my iPhone), I like to know whats going on. I want to know my next step, my future plans, where I will be in a year, and (this is a very girly one) when will I get to see who my husband is? These questions have been a never-ending, very vicious cycle in my mind lately. And I become such a bitter women after I forcefully end the cycle of daunting questions about my life, I want things to go my way! But the more I think about it, the more I see things going in a different direction than I had planned or hoped.

Each decision I make, each choice about my next course of action, seems like I am deciding the fate of our galaxy. I see myself not presented with a fork in the road with two or three choices but I find myself on a road that has led me to an intersection that has about 15 different options and each of them determine the course of my life. Where to go next? Which road should I choose? And what if I don't succeed? The always present "what-if" questions become very loud, and the funny thing is; I am the one who is saying them? No one around me is asking these questions that infer that I may fail? So why do I insist on being so self-defeating? That's the million dollar question right there.

So what decision do I make? What road is the right one for me to take? May my prayer be that the Lord may comfort me and surround me in His peace.

iPhone or iHandicappedbyiPhone?

I'm a goal oriented woman. I love goals! And I love lists too… My lists are normally what help me accomplish my goals, so they go hand in hand. Sometimes, it's hard for me to complete my goals though. Recently I have found this to be very true. Why? Why cannot I not complete my goals? My inability to finish my goals is evident in the list of books that remain unfinished on my shelf. An unfinished, unread book?! Blasphemy! I cannot fathom why I can't finish a book. And it's not like they are poor written books, they are wonderful books written by incredible authors. C.S. Lewis, Hemingway, Harper Lee… So many pages filled with knowledge and insight and I can't seem to finish any of them! What is my deal-io, YO?! Well, after much thinking and figuring I realized I can blame this on my possession of an iPhone. I have become so distracted from everything. I can't sit down without and read without wondering if I missed a tweet or if someone liked my artsy Instagram photo or if I should capture this moment of me "reading" by taking a picture via Instagram to post and show everyone just how well-rounded I am.  I can't even go to bed without refreshing my Twitter feed, checking my Instagram and catching up on my Words with Friends or Draw Something games… And by that point, I am too tired to read a book. So what can I do to fix this? Hmmmm…

Option 1: Get rid of iPhone. HA. Yeah freakin right! I heart my iPhone and I am certain I would be *literally* lost without being able to use google maps. Everything bit of information I could possibly ever want to know is at my fingertips, but I would much rather have a page that belongs to a good book at my fingertips.

Option 2: Self control. Maybe I could use self-control..? I may need to develop some more of it first though.

Option 3: Limit my use. Well, I believe this goes hand-in-hand with Option 2, but I felt lame only having 2 options. So I made another. So what could my boundaries be? No apps after a certain time? Maybe I could delete my Twitter and FB apps? I mean I have them on this very computer that I am typing on! I could allow myself to only check/use my phone for other uses than text messaging/calling peeps, for a limited amount of time. And when I am reading I could put my phone somewhere else. So what if I miss out on a witty Tweet about my whereabouts or miss a text message from a friend (which are rare LOL). My life has become centered around technology, I really do become anxious if I am to be away from my phone for an extended amount of time. For instance, if I am doing yard work and I need to leave my phone inside I wonder how many Tweets I am missing or how many Instagrammed moments I won't be able to see immediately. So, I believe this is something that needs to happen! I believe that I have much more possibilities if I wasn't so handicapped by my phone.

People, take heed! Challenge yourself just as I am to limit your phone use. Real talk, how annoying is it when you are with someone and they just keep checking their phone? Like serrriously, are they waiting on an invite to hang out or do something more interesting that spending time with you? What a disgrace, I mean I am tons of fun! So who would want to check their phone for updates when I am enough entertainment as it is? ;)

Stay cool, my friends.

Life is SO beautiful

Life is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, we often don't take time to see it's beauty.  All around us is beauty. We are beautiful, but we try so very hard to not see our own beauty that is inside of use. Beauty is around us, and we are blinded to most all of it. Each of us is unique, we all have a different story.  And it is our friends, our closest dearest friends that take the time to hear our story. It is those people that I am most thankful for.  My beautiful, awesome and dear friends.  They have taught me so much about who I am and to help me see my beauty. But more than them, Jesus works inside of me each day to show me my beauty. And I'll admit, most days it is so hard! When you have the world screaming at you and telling you to be something else, to be someone different, someone who is not yourself.  To be yourself in this kind of world is so brave and also so freeing! Be who you are, be true to yourself. And take time today to see the beauty in life, to see your beauty! 

My emotions have gone hay-wire. Mayday, MAYDAY!

The title says it all. My emotions, are a bit off the chain right now. And by "off the chain", I don't mean "A great deal of fun" or "Very attractive" as defined by the trustworthy and scholarly Urban Dictionary. I mean they are CRAY! (As in crazy, if my mommy is reading this and isn't to sure of that abbreve [abbreviation for abbreviation for all those not-so-hip peeps reading]

This came from Urban Dictionary, a reliable and scholarly source. 

No, my emotions could be more defined as the seventh definition given to us by Urban Dictionary. (adj) Crazy, uncontrollable, nuts, insane in the membrane; and the sentence to show the word in context goes right along with me right about now, "That lady is off the chain". Yep, I am crazy, uncontrollable, nuts and my personal favorite, insane in the membrane (insane in the brain). I'm not really sure where all of these raging emotions came from to be quite honest! 

One minute I am a motivated student writing an awesome paper with some pretty great sources to back it up and then the next I'm crying in the stairwell because I couldn't get a pizza lunchable. Well, I also was sort of offended because the two ladies working at the C-store weren't exactly the nicest people to poor-little-unstable-me. So naturally like any normal person would do, I walked out and went to the closest stairwell to cry. Normal, right? Yeah, I'd think so. After a short little cry (OKKAAY it might have been a little longer than "short", but it was brief I tell ya!), I picked myself up and walked back to the library grabbing a Lemonade girl-scout cookie that was sitting outside my friends room on the way. I make it to the library with no further extreme emotional displays, and go downstairs to grab myself a cup of coffee. How great is it that I can get coffee FO free at the brary of lies?! It's pretty great, my fellow blog-readers. Well while getting this free cup of coffee, I got a little excited and filled it to the brim. You know, the very tippy-top that makes you fear for your hand while holding it? Yeah, that's what happened. So I took it like a champ and carried it! I didn't do the logical thing, which would have been to dump a little bit of it out before making my journey back to my campsite. Nope, I just trucked on up the stairs making it to the level my campsite was on with no causalities. It's on this level, however, where things get a little tricky. I start picking up my pace, thinking I can handle the last stretch. I speed walk, looking more like a baby who just learned how to walk than an experience speed walker in their late 40's. I am half way to my campsite; a little dribble to my pointer finger, "It's ok" I tell myself "You didn't need feeling in that small patch of skin anyways! Keep going!" Here I meet the distraction, another body I spot in my peripherals, they are slowly approaching. Should I let them pass me? Or should I show that I can walk like a champion with a cup of steaming hot coffee filled to the tippy-top brim? I of course choose the later! I am no failure! I push onward. Oh great, another dribble, and then a large spill and now it's not filled to the tippy-top brim any more and the remnants are left spilled on the carpet of the library. All of this happened so fast and while it spilled I slowly whispered the "S" word making it about a 10 second word in hopes that it would be unrecognizable because I hadn't really intended for it come out. Right after my attempt to butcher a cuss word that wasn't supposed to be said, I make eye contact with the other body that I had originally saw in my peripherals. He passed me, and right as we make eye contact, which was just after I finished the last second of the "S" word, he gives me a little upward turn of the edge of his mouth. Communicating that he had been watching me the whole time and thinks I am just an ant in his opinion. WELL YA KNOW WHAT PERSON I DON'T KNOW?! I am no ant!! And you are just a man trying to prove his masculinity with both your ears pierced and a very small mouth for the size of your head.  And in case you're wondering, it's not working! OH? You went to a sorority formal and you're wearing the t-shirt to prove it? Good try, but I have a sorority t-shirt too and I am in no sorority FYI. I bet that shirt will end up in the Goodwill in 20 years time, so why don't you call my in 20 years and tell me how masculine you are? Good idea, I'm sure when you're 40 your ear piercings will look great on you! (sarcasm; if you, by any chance, are reading this, person I don't know).  Anyways, I make it back to my campsite with only a few physical ailments and one small emotional set-back that is now fixed after blogging. I mumble a bit of my thoughts to my friend sitting at the same table and she looks up with that look you give people when you have no idea what they just said and reaaalllyyy hope they don't repeat it because you care more about the well-being of a blade of grass than what they just said. So I of course pick up on it and say, "Ignore anything I say hahaaa" And she smiles with confusion and goes back to work.

SO. This was the last half hour of my life. Exhilarating, I know! Feel free to follow me around any time to get a glimpse of The Adventures of Meg-May... or is it The Adventures of Tin-Tin...? 

I leave all my loyal blog readers with false hope for carrying coffee that is filled to the tippy top brim. You can't do it! Don't try, you will only be left with douche bags starring at you and a few skin burns.  BUT do turn on your U2 Pandora Radio station if you want to have something to spice up your library study life.  

Do not fear if you find yourself going from motivated, to crying in a stairwell, to getting pity looks from guys with their ears pierced, to blogging about your emotions because it's the only thing you can think to do, to feeling motivated again. It happens to everyone! 

Bye! 

One more thing: the coffee was burnt. 

Social Media and Friends.

Social media is such a buzz kill. It really has a way of making you feel SO out of the loop. I sort of hate it actually, more like despise it.  There is nothing worse than seeing a tweet about your friends hanging out or having a picture show up on your news feed of people having an awesome time--and you're in your room doing nothing, or homework.  I don't like it, and I really think it was created for people to show others that their life is so awesome. Does anybody really care who you're hanging out with at that specific moment in time? Well, no. But I think people get a lot of satisfaction out of tweeting and posting about who they are hanging out with; mainly to make people jealous of their lives because they aren't really that great to begin with. 


This is mainly a blog to express my frustration, which I did somewhat by writing this. But it is always going to be like this. People are always going to be insecure of their lives and want to make them seem more great than they really are… Oh well… what are ya gonna do. 

New Semester

Today was the beginning of classes and so far it has been pretty productive! I have had a lot of things to get done already even before things have started!! It's crazy. But I am working on not busying myself with things that I don't necessarily need to busy myself with. It can be so easy to make myself really busy and forget to slow down and just breath. Such a simple task can be so extremely difficult sometimes. Most of the time this comes from procrastinating, which I absolutely hate doing. And this semester I hope I am able to make it a habit to completely break! So far I am off to a good start! 


I am looking forward to this semester very much and have a lot of goals for myself that I am hoping to meet. I always like to keep the mindset that there is always room for improvement regarding "me". One of the goals that I am very excited about is my training for a 5k. Now those of you who are runners, may think this to be trivial. But 3.1 miles in my books is quite a ways! I started my training this morning, yes it was hard but I am taking baby steps towards the final product. I have always had the dream to be a runner, and what better time than now?! In my 20's while I'm young! I can't think of a better time, and hopefully I will have made running into a big part of my life. I've got to start somewhere, and I'm taking that small step.  Something that is going to help me through this training and running is the "Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch" Pandora station. It is off the chain! If anyone is looking for a station to give them new motivation every song and to add some humor to their workout, check out this station! You will find what you're looking for and MORE. I love it and am a strong supporter of 90's rap. Word. 

Reading.

This year I want to read more. I love reading and it is a big part of my life. Each month I want to make a list of books that I want to read each month. I want to read the classics, and more substantial books.

For January, I am reading the Narnia series. I have only read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe when I was in elementary school and I love C.S. Lewis. 

I have read The Magician's Nephew and I am currently finishing up The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. Stay tuned for next months books! 

Facebook.

In my opinion, I believe that Facebook was created in order for people to sit around and look at other people's pictures and wall posts and think, "Hmm my life is awful compared to this persons." and "Wow, I never get as many wall post as that person." It's ridiculous!! I catch myself thinking the most untrue things about my life and I despise it!!!! That's why I like Twitter better… ;) I know, I know. I'm so lame because I'm hating on one form of social media but then right after say I love another. Yeah, yeahhh… I don't care. But fuuur reaaal! Facebook plants all these untrue thoughts in my head that make me so sad. So I have to give myself a reality and check every time I start thinking these sorts of things. I also have to realize that people would never put up pictures of them doing lame and everyday things. No!! They're going to put up pictures of them with all these great people doing fun and outgoing things! People want their lives to be more attractive than they really are, we all want other people to look at our lives and think we have it together. But the fact of the matter is, none of us have it together! And if you think you do, you are probably falling apart right under your nose and you're just in denial. So be real. Be YOU! You've been given a job that only you can do, and that's to be yourself. No one else can do this but you, so don't try and dress up your life to look like everyone else's, just let you light shine. Because you ROCK. 

Never-ending habit.

I once told my friend, who is a year above me in school, that I had been thinking about my future. She giggled and said, "Don't, you'll never stop." I should have taken her advice! It's a consuming, never-ending habit. I allow myself to think of the fun parts of my future; such as what I'll wear to my big-girl job, how excited I am to have my own apartment and decorate it, and experimenting with cooking. But rarely do I think of the not-so-fun parts of my future, which includes paying off my debt (WOW this is a big whammy), being on my own and not living at home, paying my own bills and including all the debt I have already accumulated via student loans, where I will live (ideally I would like to live in Asheville, but I don't know if this will happen), who my roommates may be, and the really big one… MY JOB. What the heck am I going to do when I graduate?!!?!! I have no idea. I also am having to think about what type of internship I will do, which has to happen pretty soon, and I don't know the first thing about getting an internship.
Worrying about the future continually, limits our ability to enjoy the present. This year I want to live in the present. Not the future, and also not the past. Worrying about what the future holds can become unhealthy, but focusing on my past can become just as (if not more) consuming. The past has already be written, and if I am always concerned with the future I will never be able to "write" my present to it's full potential. That's what I want to do this year, live in the present. Now. This moment in time. My life is in God's hands and He's going to take great care of it. 

Brokenness

I cannot claim this as my own, I found it on a person's (who I look up to greatly) blog. It is a wonderful analogy of the Lord crushing us into something beautiful. Sometimes this is very frustrating and we resist, which results in a product that is not pretty. It is a beautiful thing to be obedient to the Lord. But it is not always very easy.


"If we are ever going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed-you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.

I wonder what finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you? Have you been hard as a marble and escaped? If you are not ripe yet, and if God had squeezed you anyway, the wine produced would have been remarkably bitter...We have to be placed into God and brought into agreement with Him before we can be broken bread in His hands."

My Utmost for His Highest

Oswald Chambers

 September 30

Class Jitters.

Right now, I have got a bad case of the "Class-Time-Jitters". These typically come when one it excited about something, or is simply bored. In my case, it's both!! I am so pumped for College Life tonight but on the other hand, I am so bored in class! I am so excited about Club that class is super boring. I knew that today was going to be one of those days. I just want to get my work done so I can plan things for College Life! Our Fall Retreat is coming up soon and me and my friend Kelsey (who is also on Leadership) are doing program for the retreat and I am SO excited!! But in order for me to plan for the retreat, I have so much school to do, and I could be doing it right now… But I'm in class, not paying attention and blogging; so maybe I should just leave..? Nahhh, I'll stick it out, only 30 more minutes!!

Thoughts… I Guess You Can Call Them Conclusions Actually!

Well, my plan for blogging once a week didn't happen. I sort of knew it wouldn't, so I guess I set myself up for failure in that sense. A lot like I set most people I know up for failure, which isn't good for either parties. 


You must be thinking, "Woah, that is really dark and gloomy to say." I think it too, so don't feel bad if you were thinking it. I don't mind! Truth is, it is dark and gloomy. And silly. But I do it, and I didn't even realize it until just recently!! Gosh, and I am so glad I did. 


I have (had, well I'm working on "hading" them) these expectations for people to meet. These expectations of mine are no where near low, they are quite high. And when they don't meet them, I am crushed to say the least. I mourn. They were supposed to be there for me like I was for them! I didn't talk about them behind their back! I didn't take what they did for me for granted, I cherished it. I didn't make them feel silly for wearing clothes I didn't necessarily liked, I didn't lie to them either and tell them I liked it. (Which, is something I detest! If you do not like something, please do not tell me you do. That's lame, and not genuine.) I didn't ignore them. I wasn't fake. I was real, sometimes to real. And they didn't do all these things. They were supposed to though!! They were supposed to, they were my friend.  But, people are people and people are selfish. They are. And it hurts me dearly when they lean towards their human desires. I guess people who get upset over these things are people with a big heart. I think more people have big hearts than they let on at first. I think I'm not the only one who sets these expectations.


As humans, we want approval. Approval from who? Man, mostly. And how do we get this approval? Different ways. Everyone has ways of getting approval. For me? It's a lot of things. Silly things. Things people say you shouldn't worry about, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that, you just can't stop worrying!! There has to be "That Moment"; a moment where different fragments of ideas come together in your mind and you think, "That's what it means!! I get it now! It all makes sense." Some of the things I do for approval: Dress nicely, eat healthier (around people, you should see me in my room… only joking), lose weight, make good grades, have it "together" (whatever the heck that entails) the list goes on. BUT THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER! They don't! Aren't you so happy?! I am, and I figured it out on Thursday. I was so relieved and proud of myself for making this conclusion, Jesus helped me out though. 


I have expectations of people, why? To fill a void in my life. A void that will never be filled by other people, never. It is crazy to think it will. This void that I have, one that I mostly try to fill by getting approval of man, can only be filled by one Person. Jesus. 


It is not about losing weight or being "attractive" to the opposite sex!! It's about growing and learning from the One who created us. He knows us so well. He knows are struggles, our pains, but loves us just the same! He will never not meet our expectations! And I am so happy I realized this! It wasn't a "camp-felt-moment"--we all know those. You're at camp and you feel really moved by the speaker and you think you just get it. Yes, sometimes they are genuine! And I do not discount things that people realize while at camp. NOT AT ALL. It wasn't something that I felt like I had to believe; like it's my duty or something. I've been through all the "moments" trying to convince myself to believe something that I just didn't get quite yet. But I got this time. I sure did. 


I was sitting at my Area's Young Life Banquet (I was able to go over Fall Break, eeek!) and I was listening to a kid that I had led in Wyld Life talk about who Jesus was to him. I remember when he first came to club, his name is Jake Hayden and his older sister, Sam was one of my 8th grade girls I took to camp. He talked about how when he came to Wyld Life, he felt at home. At home. He never missed a Club. And now he is speaking about Jesus. In front of a hundred of people he doesn't even know. He talked about the leaders, I was one of them. I made a difference in his life. I led him while he was in 6th grade and then saw him again this summer when I went as an adult leader for Wyld Life camp. And now he is in high school walking with Christ. 


Walking with Christ exceeds your expectations if you are willing to live life with hands open which allows you to be more obedient, you don't have to be fake or put on the I-have-everything-together mask, and you can do GREAT things with Jesus. 

Friendship

Friendships are tricky. Because people are weird, myself included. I wonder if things were this complicated back-in-the-day before all of the social media we have. I'll admit it, I love Twitter. Facebook isn't so much my thing anymore but people use it as a means of communication, so I have to keep it. So many things can be said, without saying (or commenting) anything at all. Which leaves room for a lot of misread messages, and also a lot of hurt. It sort of sucks, actually it really sucks. I wish things were simpler, but things have never been simple. Not even in elementary school, looking back on them now they may seem like they were but when we were little kiddies getting our feelings worked up because we lost to a game of tag. (now I just assume I will because running is more difficult to me than Organic Chemistry, that is sayin' sumfin right there). I don't think things were ever "simple", nothing is simple I feel like these days. The people we meet and spend our free time with right now, will we ever see them after we walk across that stage on graduation? Some people, I believe I will! And I am so happy to have those friends in my life. But others will walk off that stage and walk out of our lives; a little dramatic? Yes, I tend to be a drama queen sometimes. But if you think about it, were those past few years a waste because we spent so much time with someone that we would never see again? I think it depends on what you learned from that person or who they affected your life. Some people aren't good friends because they're selfish, and with friendships you can't be selfish. It takes two people, because you can't have a relationship with yourself. (well maybe you can in certain cases when people have dual personalities, but in most cases two people are required) It is the worst feeling when you spent a lot of your time trying to help someone and befriend them and they took it for granted or never really appreciated it all. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had a friend like this? Am I right? Afterwards, you feel used and unwanted. It ain't a good feeling for those of you who haven't felt it before.


I care too much. I try to see the best in people. I give people too many second chances. I give people too much of my time and often forget about my wellbeing. But I love people. I don't want to become cynical, because I hope that people aren't trying to use me, they have just never been taught anything different. I shouldn't let people get to me, but sometimes they just do!! I still, however, try and see the good in others. It's getting harder now, and I hate that. It gets harder because life gets harder. I like to leave on a good note (because this was a pretty deep post coming out right after I shredded it Jillian Michaels), so I leave my readers with this quote:

"Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know about everybody." 

I don't know who said this, but I think it speaks a lot of truth. It's so easy to see negative things in other people because I believe those are things we recognize in ourselves. 

When you look into someones eyes, you can see your reflection but what if what you see is more than a reflection? What if what you see is a part of yourself in that person? So how then can we look into someone's eyes and hate them, or think negative thoughts about them? Because then wouldn't we be thinking those same things about a piece of ourselves?